Today was our 2nd day in Houston, TX. We were filled with some nervousness, but optimism knowing that we were in the best facilities in the US for cancer treatment. We arrived early in the morning. Valet parking was free for first time patients. We walked in expecting balloons, fireworks, and fish swimming in the walls!
The size of the hospital is incredible. It is literally bigger than some cities in the US (Orlando being one of them). With the tall buildings all around, it creates its own skyline.
We met with the doctor first. It was extremely confusing. They told us their explanation of what was going on with me. It was much different than what we heard in Orlando. Maybe the diagnoses was the same, but her delivery was far different. Cancer had progressed into the lining of my stomach. Only 5% of people diagnosed with lynch syndrome/colon cancer, actually have it spread to another place (outside of the colon).
Amanda asked a “weird question.”
“What would happen if we decided not to do chemo?” The answer, was tough to hear…
Amanda and I had a rough 36 hours afterwards. We just laid in bed and cried, on and off for the next 2 nights. At this point, every worst case scenario is running through my head. Will I make it to the birth of my baby? Will I make it til he/she is 7? If they are 7, and I die…. How AWFUL for our baby!!!!??? I watched, “Field of Dreams” at one point and thought, wow…will I ever play catch with my kid!!!?
Although I feel great, I had a few moments where I thought I wasn’t going to make it out of Houston. I have stomach pain all of a sudden, and the doctor said that it is because of the tumors in my abdomen. I wish she never said that, because now it is caught in my mind. Everything hurts that much more. I think I had an anxiety attack or something. I really believed I wasn’t going to make it back home. I thought Amanda was about to take me to the emergency room!
We went to Houston with thoughts of Hope, Cure, and DISNEY WORLD for Cancer. We left Houston thinking of Smog, Ghosts, and people in wheel chairs.
My first experience with cancer in 2011 was okay. Certainly, surgery sucked! Chemo wasn’t great, but I always felt a light at the end of the tunnel. Get through the recovery, get through chemo, and I will be fine. I was able to do that. I beat it! I’m a survivor! I’m one of those people who beat cancer!
This time around, time is more precious. This time around, I feel like I have cancer.