Despite the tough days of chemo, life has been pretty good around the Clark house.
We’ve been working on the baby room and Joe spends all of his time in there cleaning and organizing. He sits in our new glider dreaming of the sweet baby. Joe hung that mirror and put the baby crib together hours after it arrived. Can I mention again the man is a maniac?
(Also note, the shelves are coming down and that blanket is not staying. Though it was made by my grandma in the 80s, if the colors didn’t give it away.)
I’ve been working non-stop so that’s been a little trying on my growing pregnant body but Joe has been a dream. He told me just to focus on work and sleep and he’ll take care of everything else. I honestly don’t think I’d survive without him. He does everything for me. I often wonder if I’m technically the worst wife ever. I never do laundry, I barely know how the vacuum works and I can’t tell you the last time I made the bed by myself. I don’t do bills and I’m not a fan of checking the bank account. I literally married superman, which is amazing but can make you feel pretty bad about yourself at times.
A few weeks ago, I looked out my back window and there was my husband hooked up to a chemo pack around his waist, pumping chemicals into his veins but he’s sweating while sweeping up the loose grass on the back patio. I think I was sitting on the couch with my feet up watching a repeat episode of Say Yes to the Dress…. it’s at times like these you really feel you should probably get your butt in gear.
With that said, Joe has been trying to make me do more things on my own, he wants me to sit down so he can explain how he has the papers organized and how he’s paying bills. He spends extra time explaining sports to me. The other day he stopped and said, “Are you really paying attention? You never run home. Always push the runner back a base— you may need to know this if I’m not here when our kid is 12.”
These are the times when happy makes you sad.
We had the best weekend a few weeks ago. It was a non-chemo week and it was just the two of us. No company in town, no family commitments. It was just Joe and Amanda on a Saturday. We ran errands and sat around the house and I kept feeling so happy. I love our little family and our little life. I love that we both like shopping for the house and decorating things. Joe sits in the garage painting while I mess around in the house and it just feels like home. It’s sometimes in these moments though I am overcome with a sense of loss, a sense of being alone.
I don’t know if I should thank cancer or be pissed about this. Sometimes when we hold hands I try and memorize exactly how it feels when our hands touch– so I have no chance of forgetting.
We head back to Houston next week and I am dreading it. It’s giving me anxiety and stress. Our last trip was a disaster and filled with doom and gloom. We are trying to go into this trip different. The doctor will tell us if the chemo is working. We’ve decided that if it’s not, it’s not the end of the world. Maybe it would be a good thing because we can get on the Vitamin C trial Joe has read so much about. There are still options when it seems like there aren’t.
After our last trip, the doctor told us Joe would lose his hair and I quickly emailed our wedding photographer to see about capturing some photos before that happened. They got right back to us, fit us in and did the pictures for FREE!! It’s unreal how sweet people can be but seriously these people don’t know us that well and Damon Tucci is seriously the BEST photographer in Florida! It was such a blessing to have these memories now to hold on to forever.
Joe is actually wearing his chemo pack in these pictures but we just slid it around to the back.
Our sweet little family 🙂
You can see Wrigley’s excitement. He’s going to be a great big brother. 🙂