I knew Joe was perfect for me the first time I jumped up on a bar to dance and he jumped right up with me.
He’s the clean to my messy, the music in my head, the party in my life.
Last week’s news nearly destroyed us. Joe’s cancer is back before we’ve even been able to fully recover from the surgery that removed it.
We stood outside looking at the stars and started talking about the day we first kissed. The moments that followed. Hiding behind a tree so friends wouldn’t see us.
Joe was living in Florida and I was in a wedding in Kansas City. Joe, after a couple of whiskeys, booked a $500 flight to get to me. Six hours later I was picking up a sleepy eyed Joe at the airport. His suit wadded in a ball and jammed in his backpack. I had never felt so loved and I knew this was my match.
Since cancer and now the sweet baby, we’ve somehow forgotten who those people were. It’s actually something most new parents can relate to. You can easily lose the whole reason you fell in love.
We’ve had to take on more than most 30-year-olds with only two years of marriage should endure. Let’s just say I’ve seen Joe’s tush hanging out of a hospital gown enough for all of us.
I fell in love with Joe’s zest for life. His passion for success. The sparkle in his eyes. Cancer has taken so much of that from him.
Now, with all that is happening. The cancer. The fight. We spend so much time talking about Mira, money, and planning for the unthinkable. The truth is, it’s about so much more. Something I can hardly talk about. I can plan to live on my own. I can talk about life insurance. I can plan to be a widow. But how do you plan to lose the greatest love anyone could ever know?
How can you ever accept losing the, “us”??
Now I just want to go back to the beginning. Who were those young, tan lovebirds?
This weekend, I’m going to make him dance with me and maybe even jump on a bar. I’m going to hold him so tight and kiss his temples. I’m going to order a dirty martini and get real flirty. I’m going to fall in love with my husband.
Tears!!! This is a good reminder to all of us to dance with the one who brought us, love the one we are with and never forget how blessed we are!!! Hold each other tight! Although your love story is bring cut a lof shorter than most, I dare so you may have more love in your story than some have in a life time. Hold on to that and cherish it!!!
Amanda, your love for Joe and his love for you has inspired all of us to remember what and who is important in our lives. It is rare that someone finds their soulmate their real one true love. It is a joy to see that you have that in each other. This makes all that you both have gone thru that much more heartbreaking. The love and courage, the continued fighting to not give up….this is what love is. I truly pray to God everyday to give the two of you a Miracle, it is what you both deserve so much,..showing all of us what life is truly about and what it means to have so much love to endure thru so much pain. I wish you many wonderful days with each other and with Mira. I want you both to have an awesome weekend..the honeymoon you both so much deserve, yes dance, have a drink, enjoy dinner together, look into each other’s eyes, celebrate your love for each other..no focusing on the c word, the bills. Ect… This weekend is about Joe, Amanda and your love, enjoy! We love you both so much. Love always, hugs and kisses, Anne xo
I am only a “friend of a friend” , your blog shows so much love and strength. Your family is in our thoughts and prayers
Amanda this is so beautiful! I know you guys will have an amazing weekend! xoxo
Hello! I’m Marta Boschmann little sister, i have being reading your blog and it touched my heart so much. I will pray for your family and i really hope that Joe can recover, so you can fall in love with him every day for the rest of your live. <3 hug and kisses from Dominican Republic.
I don’t know you two- I am friends with Emily kuhlman but I have been following your blog. I am praying for you every night and I was so saddened to read last weeks post. I do know that your journey and your trials have touched and moved and affected more people than you can possibly imagine. Your blog is beautifully written and I hope that someone in the publishing field discovers it.
We can never know why these things happen but I do know that our Lord loves you and is crying with you. As we all are
Amanda words can’t describe how amazing of a person you are, I can only hope someday I am as great as you, I hope both of you enjoy your weekend here in the cold snowy state!
A story is only a story because of the beginning, the middle, and the end. Whether your story is 2 pages long or 50, it will always be your story….one that you got to write your way. Don’t be sad because a story is short, be glad that you got to tell it in the first place. Everything happens for a reason…and a season. It might not be fair but if you look at what you HAVE, not at what you don’t, even when the best is over, there’s always the memory of what once was. I am so sorry that you have to go through this. I’m so sorry that your story even has the word cancer in it. But I hope you both live the life your given to the very fullest, I hope your love and your baby make some of your worst days bearable. I hope God looks down and says “Ok, that’s enough, let’s change this plan.”
I am also a friend of a friend, Erin Madden. And a breast cancer survivor (hopefully) with kids your age. You have a great gift for communicating what we all feel It justs sucks, I have read your blog often with the highest of hopes. May this weekend and hopefully many more to come provide beautiful experiences and memories for a lifetime.Sending healing wishes your way.
Ditto to Rebecca Cunningham’s note above! I am friends with Lauren Coffaro and Jennifer Benck Snow. I am Jenny’s mother-in-law. I, too, have been following your story. Tears came to me as I read last week’s post. I then went on line and read previous posts. I pray and think about you both daily. God bless you and lovely Mira.
Amanda,
Sadly your post is all too familiar. I married my HS sweetheart at the young age of 20 and had our daughter the same year. He was diagnosed with Hodgkins Lymphoma a month after our daughters 1st bday. We were devastated. How could this happen to such a young, healthy person? He battled for 5 years before losing the war to cancer. I thought many of the same things you stated about preparing to be a widow, a single mom, insurance, blah, blah, blah. I wish I could tell you some secret to prepare yourself to live the rest of your life without the love of your life…but the truth is; there’s no preparation. It’ll be 9 years since my love left this world and my life has moved on in some respects: I remarried, was blessed with a beautiful baby boy, am raising my now teenage daughter who is sooo her dad! And as much as I love my husband and respect him for applying for the position that he knew he could never fully fill; not a day for by that I don’t remember my love and life before this one. The love we shared can’t be compared- that will never change. That’s not to say you’ll never love again, I just don’t think anything can compare to the type of intimacy that grows in a relationship when you have the luxury of knowing your time is limited and to really make every minute count. To bear your soul and leave no regrets…to Love in a way you will probably never do unless you know today could be your last to do so.
I’m so sorry for your experience Amanda- I’m not a writer, and I apologize for this mess of a response-I’m getting emotional trying to wrap it up. I guess the point of my rant is that as alone as you are going to feel…. There’s more of us out there.
Yours is a beautiful love story……I pray you have a marvelous time on your “honeymoon”! I pray for you guys each day though I only know you through your blog. You are both and inspiration <3
Cancer can never take your love…you go right on loving and fighting…and I will go on praying…Love and Support will win. Mama E