When Patrick’s wife Maggie was diagnosed with breast cancer, he didn’t hesitate. He rolled up his sleeves and dug in. That’s what caregivers do. Some days stretch endlessly and the weight feels suffocating. You put on your armor, smile in public, and say you’re fine. As Patrick admits, “if you let yourself stop for too long, you might just ugly cry in the cereal aisle.”

Patrick Carey recently shared with Cocktails & Caregivers a glimpse into his life as a husband, caregiver, and dad of four. “A typical day is full from the second I wake up,” he says. “Our baby Paddy is my alarm clock at 6:04 a.m. I change diapers, pour milk, make coffee, get breakfast on the table for four kids, and try to keep everyone moving. Laundry, dishes, activities, Taekwondo, dinner, baths, bedtime, and endless laundry cycles. Somewhere in there, I try to remember to breathe.”

It’s a grind many caregivers will recognize, but Patrick also reminds us to look for the good in between the chaos. “Paddy’s smile first thing in the morning. Maggie reading to the kids at night. Our girls turning the basement into a fort big enough to conquer the world.”

And then there’s the gift of community. “People who send meals, say prayers, and offer real help. The ones who know that sometimes what we really need is to be seen and acknowledged. That generosity is the best of humanity.”

Supporting Caregivers Like Patrick

Thanks to our Martini Club members and generous supporters, Cocktails & Caregivers is able to provide funding through the Our Tribe program. This program helps families cover childcare needs so caregivers can focus where they’re needed most. For Patrick and Maggie, that meant financial assistance to cover in-home daycare for little Paddy.

Patrick’s advice to caregivers just starting out? “Pay attention to the spark your loved one had before the diagnosis. It’s still there, even when the days are hard. Show up as yourself, love them the same way you always have, and as Maggie says, don’t make it weird. Unless weird is your thing, then keep it weird.”

At the end of each long day, Patrick collapses into bed grateful. Grateful for strength, for courage, and for another chance to dig in, hold on, and show up.

💖 Learn more about how you can support caregivers at cocktailsandcaregivers.org.