I had a doctor’s appointment with my oncologist on Wednesday, April 24th in the morning. Amanda was at work, so I went alone. I meet with him every few months. Everything went as planned. I had labs drawn (blood), and the doctor said I was doing very well. Funny thing about this meeting was, Doc was very busy with patients today. He had a nurse practitioner come in and speak with me (I assume he felt like mine was a standard check-up meeting). She was a bit older woman who had been moved over from another hospital. I will call her MAUDE. We spoke about my health, and I told her my story of how I got to this point. I left the appointment feeling great, and we scheduled a CT Scan for July. Standard practice!
Its around 4:00pm now, and I look down at my ringing phone. It’s MD Anderson Cancer Center calling My heart fell into my stomach. They never call back on the same day of an appointment. Guess what, it’s MAUDE! She begins to tell me that after further review of my blood numbers, the doctor is a bit concerned about my CEA number. It is basically a blood test that measures carcinogens in the blood (A cancer marker). He would like to schedule a CT Scan quickly. I had the scan on that Friday the 26th.
At this point, when I think of MAUDE, I think of this…
They found 2 areas they are concerned with. 2 new growths that weren’t there on my last scan in February. We then scheduled a PET Scan, which would confirm whether it is cancer or not. That was scheduled for the following Tuesday the 30th. Here we go again….
Waiting on results….
So, here I am. I finished chemotherapy in June of 2012. I am so close to an entire year without disease in my body, or treatment. June 2013 has been circled on my calendar for a long time. Even with all of these positive things happening in my life, I am scared. I am more annoyed than anything. Surgery is a strong possibility again. Chemotherapy might be in my future, but this time I know what to expect. Yikes! This isn’t fun.
Still waiting on results…
I think people would say that I wear my emotions on my sleeve, but the truth is I keep 80% of my emotions inside (I know, I’m working on it. Okay?) I’m angry with my dad. He was supposed to protect me up there. I am angry at the fact that my lifestyle has changed for the better, and this thing still comes back. What do you mean I might have this again? I FEEL AMAZING! I have more energy than I can remember, I can run a mile on the treadmill without a hiccup, and Amanda doesn’t have to force her “smile exercises” on me anymore.
I feel like someone is watching Amanda and I. They are seeing the smiles on our faces. They are watching us walk a little taller, a little lighter, and a little happier. Amanda is glowing with excitement because of this baby. You can see it all over her face. Then someone comes out of nowhere and slaps us. “WIPE THAT SMILE OFF YOUR FACE!”
And still waiting some more….
I probably shouldn’t tell mom any of this until we know for sure….right? I mean, we won’t know anything until the results come in….why worry her? Mom took a trip to Chicago to see family that weekend, and I really wanted her to enjoy herself.
The PET Scan confirmed it was cancerous. It “lights up” on the tests to tell us so.
Please be advised:
These are not my scan results. If they were, it might be labeled BRAT WURST (T.M.I. I know).
Sorry MAUDE, but I never want to see you again. Not that you did anything wrong, but you are forever affiliated with negativity in my life. Please go away.
Now we sit and wait. Our doctor would like us to travel to Houston, TX to visit with a specialist there.
We’ve never been there…and I can probably tell you for certain that I will never go back. I don’t care how “BIG” things are out there…