By the time Joe came into my life, I had my fair share of dating disasters.
There was the guy who took me out on two dates, before telling me to look him up on YouTube. Only then did I discover he was a “WWF wanna-be” with dozens of clips of his bald body…slamming people around inside of a ring. I almost gave it a chance, until he showed me his freshly shaved legs.
There was the Swiss lover. A strikingly handsome businessman who seemed almost perfect; except he forgot to tell me he was moving back to Switzerland— like the next day.
Don’t forget Mr. Miami; who flew me down for a romantic New Year’s Eve weekend, but wouldn’t share his apple juice over brunch…not even a sip of his juice!!!
There are clear signs a relationship isn’t going anywhere if you’ll only open your eyes to see them.
So, as the failed attempts at love piled on, I created a list of everything I wanted in a husband. I thought it was the sure way to get a good one. I had traits that were negotiable, and others that were deal-breakers. I made a list of “signs to watch out for” to tell my friends as well.
If someone won’t share their juice with you, they won’t share their true life with you.
If a guy won’t carry your friend’s luggage up the stairs, run. He’ll never carry the weight of what matters in your life.
And on and on…
My list grew of things I wanted out of love.
When Joe came along…so did my checklist.
He always opened the door and carried in my groceries.
CHECK.
He cleaned my filthy apartment and thought I looked great in pajamas.
CHECK
He wanted to travel, he liked sushi and he promised me some day he’d be rich.
CHECK, CHECK and CHECK!
Now a fair warning ladies, there may have been some false advertisement here, but my eyes were glued to him as he sold me his stories of business success and lavish vacations.
There were a few negotiables. His table manners were a little rusty, but you can teach anyone to put a napkin on their lap.
He also wore crocs.
That scared me at first, but later I’d even throw on the ol’ things to make a quick trip outside.
I guess that’s true love– crocs and all.
(2009, when I moved to Orlando)
You can make lists and check things off in life, but you can’t prepare for everything which really ticks me off. I feel so mad because I put so much thought into the person I would spend my life with. I wanted a good husband and I got one. I refused to settle and I knew what I wanted. I never thought life could go any other way.
I’ve never felt an ounce of jealousy. Joe makes it known he loves me, and he’d never break a commitment.
I chose someone I knew would make an excellent father. I watch him get up in the middle of the night to check on Mira, even with a chemo pack strapped around his waist.
I wanted someone who would pay the bill at dinner. I wasn’t stupid when I picked Joe. I knew what I was doing. I saw a good one and I made him mine.
That’s what is so hard about what is happening. It affects the major things all the way down to the minor things…like remembering to take the recycling out.
Sometimes, he’s forgetful from exhaustion and chemo. This week, he forgot to pay the rent. This has NEVER happened. I’ve never even asked him if he’s paid it. These are just the things he does. Things I should probably learn to do.
I don’t want to.
None of this was on my list. I don’t want to be left to clean out the garage or cut the onions. I hate chopping onions, that’s Joe’s job.
For as much as I tried to keep myself from any heartbreak by choosing the wrong husband, it’s worse because I picked the right one.
Even now as I watch him struggle up the stairs with my suitcase, I know I stand to lose so much. And, I have no idea how to live without him.
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Oh my goodness Amanda I pray for you guys every day and deeply every week at mass and I pray my dear that you will not have to live without him!!!!!! I pray God will keep him with you and Mira!!!
God bless all of you, remember one thing, Joe will never leave you, you will never live with out him. The impact this beautiful man has made on your life and the daughter that you bore with him will live on well beyond your time….
I cannot even articulate my feeling, just know i will pray for your beautiful family.
The amount of love you both have fir each other and Mira is truly amazing and inspiring. I pray all the time for you and can’t imagine what you are going through. Continue to be strong, living your legacy..reminding people all over the country about the really important things in life.
Those damn guys that won’t carry your luggage!!! Now that made me laugh!! I love you guys and miss you!!
Hi my name is Sue Miller. I know Barb from growing up.Barb and my sister Joan have Been friends for ever. I pray that Joe is here for a long long time. But if god comes and takes him. Just know he may not be here on earth with you.but he will always be in your heart. Life is not always fair. Belive me I know. May you and Joe have the best life toghter if it’s for a long time. Or just a short time
Love you all Sue Miller
I know you don’t know me, but I am friends with Mike Noa. My husband, also named Joe, died suddenly in August. Our kids were 2 years old (son) and 2 months old (daughter) at the time. Our situations are different, but parts are the same. He has been gone 8 months, and I still think things like you said above…. Including:
“I picked an amazing man and held onto him right… Why us?”
“I don’t want to vacuum. That’s joes job.”
“Wow, the yard is full of dog poop? Guess that’s my job now, too…”
I can’t say anything in the road ahead will be easy, but sadly, you are not alone. Please let me know if you ever need someone to talk to. I’m sure everyone is saying that…. But not everyone has lived it.
Hug your Joe for every possible minute.
I pray for all three of you, often.
Sincerely,
Megan Pecoraro
Praying for your family. I was 29 and pregnant with our second child when my first husband died. He lived three and 1/2 years longer than doctors thought he could live, with times when he felt great and we thought he might live forever, and times when he struggled to be awake at all. Don’t rule out a miracle – they happen. In spite of all of the pain, I wouldn’t trade one minute of our journey together. Joe’s love for you is yours to keep for the rest of your life, and I promise that it will give you comfort and strength whenever you need it. (You can buy the onions already chopped at the grocery store. That’s what I do.)
you are both in my heart as well as many others…..the path you walk is with many, have faith <3
there are no words, just know that there are so many people praying for your family. As I read your blog, I am crushed to hear your experience. You seem like such an extraordinary family surrounded by love. I pray for your family every day. May you find the silver linings and peace throughout this difficult and heartbreaking journey.
You are an amazing person and you articulate your feelings in a way that I feel them too. Stay strong for your love will last forever.
Amanda I know that what is so hard for all of us that know both of you, know how truly perfect you are for each other and that makes all this that much harder to take in. Joe will always be with you in spirit but that is not what you need, you want him by your side for always… And who can blame you. So with that in mind, I will continue to pray for the miracle you both deserve so much. That somehow, someway, the cure or at least a drug is found that will give you many years together and if this miracle doesn’t come true, than may you at least have many good, and happy days with each other. We are praying for you. Sending good juju and hugs love, Anne xoxo
Amanda let his love for you, give you the strength to start paying the rent and carry the luggage. He’s gradually making you stronger. You’re both in my prayers.
fussball trikots
I’ve been surfing online more than 4 hours today, yet I never found any interesting article like yours. It’s pretty worth enough for me. Personally, if all site owners and bloggers made good content as you did, the web will be much more useful than e…
Amanda, Thank you for sharing you and your husband’s story. I cried a few tears but tears of happiness at the thought of THE RIGHT husband! Prayers to you, him and your beautiful new baby! I know everything will be okay, and work out fine! may GB you all. Thank you for being a part of our lives as viewers of News 13, and we all pray and wish you all the best!!!
maillot PSG
Way cool! Some very valid points! I appreciate you writing this article and the rest of the site is really good.|