Full disclosure as I write this post. I have hardly been out of the house in two weeks. There is a chance I’m losing my mind or the more probable cause that I’m being haunted by my daughter’s toy.
Imagine Chucky in the shape of an overpriced giraffe.
Meet Sophie.
I remember registering for this toy when I was pregnant because it’s some kind of status symbol amongst infants everywhere. It is literally a plastic giraffe. It has two beady eyes and one big price tag—$30 for something that your kid chews on. Yet, I needed it and I know I’m not alone when I say it really is my daughter’s favorite toy. The little ears fit perfectly in her small mouth and it’s just light enough that her chubby fingers can grasp and carry it around.
We’ve had a horrible two weeks around here as chemotherapy is taking Joe’s body on a horrible ride through nausea, insomnia and severe dehydration. I begged him to let me take him to the hospital and I finally got home health to the house.
He’s been getting fluids everyday and is starting to perk up. He lost 10 pounds in a week, and though I wish I could say the same for myself, he can’t afford to lose anymore off of his already thin frame.
So in the midst of all that is going on, I really don’t know why Sophie the giraffe is the one that’s irking me.
I joined a workout class as an effort for a little “me time”. I love it. It’s one hour where my mind blanks out and forgets everything waiting for me outside the doors. That was of course, until Sophie showed up.
A room full of posh moms, all slicked in LuLu Lemon workout gear and leaving with their polished kids. Guess what those kids are holding on to as they leave the daycare room? Yep, Sophie the damn giraffe.
It took an hour to get a fussy little girl to bed the other night and after one man banding baby duties I was ready for bed. I was downstairs locking up and straightening up the living room, when I reached down to clean up the dog’s toys and there it was—- my $30 giraffe under Wrigley’s bed.
Apparently, the dog also has a taste for expensive things.
I sanitized and scrubbed the toy so it can go back to it’s rightful owner but now it’s a constant game of “who has Sophie”.
Joe left the house with me for the first time in 9 days for a quick trip to the grocery. He climbed in the passenger seat and pulled my new pal Sophie out of the cup holder beside me asking, “Why am I seeing this giraffe everywhere? It’s always looking at me. I go to the bathroom, there it is. Now it’s here in the car?”
I don’t even know what to tell him. These have been some hard, lonely days and I’ve somehow used this stupid toy as a major distraction. I find her on the floor and wonder just whose drool was last on it. I hide the giraffe in my diaper bag but somehow still find it under the dining room table next to a chewed up tennis ball.
What does it say about me that a plastic giraffe is making me crazier than a sick husband and a newborn? I guess, I haven’t totally lost myself? I can still let the little things get to me? I’m still human?
For a distraction in the middle of everything? I guess you could say it’s the best $30 ever spent.
Actually it’s made of natural rubber. Supposedly safer for babies. One of the reasons it’s so darned expensive!
For better or worse, it really is the little things. I totally get that. Thanks for writing.
Amanda, You are an amazing woman and sometimes it IS those crazy little things that allow us women to survive. You WILL survive all of these changes and challenges in your life! Hang on to your strength, smile when you can and hug those near to you every day. Give that gorgeous husband and baby of yours an extra hug for me too!
You are strong and you are human and you are your husband’s and your daughter’s hero. I’m so glad you scheduled some “me” time. You absolutely need it!
I read your blog with a great deal of interest. I have to tell you I am a little wo wo. When symbols keep appearing in your life, check out the meaning. Because you are getting a message. Giraffes are symbolic, meanings carry grace in striving, encouraging us to elongate our vision. Reminding us we are remarkable beings to rise ourselves up to the challenge. I swear I can t make this shit up. Look it up. That giraffe is trying to assist. And you of course are challenged beyond what most of us can even understand. Peace.
Dear Amanda,It sounds possessed like that darn Chucky
doll my daughter loved as a child! I hated that thing! My advise when you are sure it`s safe is to burn it into another galxy it`s the only way to deal with these things! LOL Yes you are human and whatever it takes to get you thru is certainly ok with those who care! Those polished moms and their kids are not in your league! If they had 1/100th of your stresses they would have folded like a wet cardboard box a long tine ago! I know you will hang in there and everyone who knows you is lucky to know some one as special as you!
Amanda,
I feel your pain. We too have a Sophie (which I swore was just an overpriced dog toy) but of course we had to have one. But these days it’s not just Sophie, its all toys, dolls, walkers, balls, etc. They show up everywhere, but their favorite spots are under your feet when you stand, or turn the corner, etc…. everywhere you don’t want them to be. I put them up 159 times a day, turn around and they have crawled back to the middle of the floor. I feel like I live in a Toy Story movie.
I just stumbled upon your blog. I am a fan of you on the news, and the crew on 13. I remember when your sweet baby was born and they showed a “congrats” on tv with your little family picture. My daughter is not quite a year older than yours, so I guess that day stood out. I remember thinking- precious family!… wish I looked that good right after I had my daughter. Hah!
But as an onlooker, I never really knew anything more about you. Reading through your recent posts I just broke down. It is so hard being mom, especially mom to a newborn. I struggle everyday and have frequent meltdowns, which was completely not like me before the baby. I think those lululemon wearing, whole-foods shopping moms have meltdowns too (OR live-in nannys, chefs, and housekeepers, not sure which).
I can’t imagine my husband having cancer… the thought is just horrifying. But I just wanted to let you know that you and your family are so inspiring. I just feel the love and life that you live and that you have for each other. Distractions life Sophie may feel good and help you forget the sadness that you find yourself in. But that sadness and anger is real and it is life. Some days are lows, some days are highs. Your husband and your daughter are here right now. And although his health situation is less than ideal, you have each other. And that love and the way you feel in this current moment will never go away.
Thanks for sharing your stories.
I once lost Sophie when my daughter Abby chucked her out of the stroller. I frantically went back the same route we walked, but COULDN’T find her and was afraid to tell my wife. So, I ordered one online, and LIED to my wife about its whereabouts.
When the new one finally arrived Jen asked “Why is there a NOOSE around her neck, and why does she look so new?” I had to come clean, and mention that after that whole predicament, I searched for some sort of holder or “keeper,” so it couldn’t happen again. I told her, that’s a “Toy Sitter,” and we will NEVER lose Sophie again! My wife said that I should never lie to her about anything, and that was the most important thing, NOT Sophie:)…
Anyways, I’ve heard of your battles through Sarah Jindra, and you are all so brave. My heart and my thoughts are with you.
You make me smile, Amanda. Even in the midst of all of your grief, your words caused a smile to creep across my face. I think it’s because you have found a stupid little plastic giraffe to be angry at and I find that amusing. You just have a way with words.