“How do you feel that your husband came back from the dead?” Joe said to me with a smirk on his face.
All I could do was roll my eyes, and try to hold back the tears. I don’t even know how to answer him or anyone else who asks me how we’re doing.
I witnessed a miracle. Read that again. I witnessed a freaking miracle.
I was told I would most likely never have a clear conversation with my husband again. The next day he woke up and told me he wanted to go home.
Joe is some type of warrior, hulk, maniac.
Sunday night I found Joe on the floor, I called 911, I thought I lost him. Now, three days later I was in the same clothes and looking into his eyes, suddenly clear from the fog doctors were certain would not go away, yet he was asking me when we were leaving for my brother’s wedding and what had happened.
My voice was shaky as I tried to explain to him how he fell at home, how doctors did scans that show his kidneys aren’t working right.
How do you tell someone news like this? How do you calmly explain? All I could do was hold his hand and softly say, ‘we’re at the end of the road’.
Days…Days…Days. Doctors said it, but as I watched Joe sweeping the patio today I have to wonder, did they mean 365? How can this man be dying?
So instead, Joe has been busy living. He woke up and got to work writing in his notebook. First on his list was making sure I know how to live without him. He busily scratched up a piece of paper with bank account numbers and step by step directions. Step 1- Make sure there’s money in the account before you spend money.
The highs are so high and the lows are so, so low.
We missed my brother’s wedding but watched with tears in our eyes from our Ipad. We got to tell my brother how much we loved him right before the ceremony. Bittersweet and beautiful as he wiped tears. We were all feeling every emotion that should be phased throughout someone’s life, loss and love, yet we have it all flying at us at once.
Joe’s friends jumped in the car and made the 24 hour drive to get here when I made the call to tell them what doctors had said. Since then, Joe has been completely surrounded by the love of his family and friends.
I keep asking for my video, and he reminds me that no one will leave him alone to make it. I may be guilty of this as I find myself following him around and just smelling him in his sleep.
I can’t even believe I’m getting this moment, this day, this chance.
Joe wants to finish this at home. It broke my heart in his state of confusion in the hospital, he would ask for Mira and I couldn’t explain to him that she was okay.
Now we’re home laughing and playing together. I’ve moved up her 1st birthday party a couple of months to guarantee that Joe will be here. She won’t know the difference between 10 months or 12 but will know her daddy was in the pictures.
Live like you’re dying. I guess this is our next chapter.
We have been given the greatest gift, every precious moment and Joe continues to defy every odd.