“How do you feel that your husband came back from the dead?” Joe said to me with a smirk on his face.
All I could do was roll my eyes, and try to hold back the tears. I don’t even know how to answer him or anyone else who asks me how we’re doing.
I witnessed a miracle. Read that again. I witnessed a freaking miracle.
I was told I would most likely never have a clear conversation with my husband again. The next day he woke up and told me he wanted to go home.
Joe is some type of warrior, hulk, maniac.
Sunday night I found Joe on the floor, I called 911, I thought I lost him. Now, three days later I was in the same clothes and looking into his eyes, suddenly clear from the fog doctors were certain would not go away, yet he was asking me when we were leaving for my brother’s wedding and what had happened.
My voice was shaky as I tried to explain to him how he fell at home, how doctors did scans that show his kidneys aren’t working right.
How do you tell someone news like this? How do you calmly explain? All I could do was hold his hand and softly say, ‘we’re at the end of the road’.
Days…Days…Days. Doctors said it, but as I watched Joe sweeping the patio today I have to wonder, did they mean 365? How can this man be dying?
So instead, Joe has been busy living. He woke up and got to work writing in his notebook. First on his list was making sure I know how to live without him. He busily scratched up a piece of paper with bank account numbers and step by step directions. Step 1- Make sure there’s money in the account before you spend money.
Thanks Joe.
The highs are so high and the lows are so, so low.
We missed my brother’s wedding but watched with tears in our eyes from our Ipad. We got to tell my brother how much we loved him right before the ceremony. Bittersweet and beautiful as he wiped tears. We were all feeling every emotion that should be phased throughout someone’s life, loss and love, yet we have it all flying at us at once.
Joe’s friends jumped in the car and made the 24 hour drive to get here when I made the call to tell them what doctors had said. Since then, Joe has been completely surrounded by the love of his family and friends.
I keep asking for my video, and he reminds me that no one will leave him alone to make it. I may be guilty of this as I find myself following him around and just smelling him in his sleep.
I can’t even believe I’m getting this moment, this day, this chance.
Joe wants to finish this at home. It broke my heart in his state of confusion in the hospital, he would ask for Mira and I couldn’t explain to him that she was okay.
Now we’re home laughing and playing together. I’ve moved up her 1st birthday party a couple of months to guarantee that Joe will be here. She won’t know the difference between 10 months or 12 but will know her daddy was in the pictures.
Live like you’re dying. I guess this is our next chapter.
We have been given the greatest gift, every precious moment and Joe continues to defy every odd.
God Bless you My Beautiful friend. LOVE YOU!
Look at GOD! Prayers continue for you and the family.
Prayer is powerful! Glad you get this time together! <3
Amanda, you are an incredible woman with amazing strength and courage. Prayers and thoughts for you and your family!
Today at church, we prayed for you Joe, Amanda and Mira. We prayed that you find comfort in these difficult times, that you all find peace. I know that I am not alone when I say that you have taught me about just how precious life is and that if we all “lived like we were dyin” the world would be a more amazing place, filled with love. Know that you are thought of and prayed for, constantly and you have changed so many lives.
<3
He’s a constant inspiration. I was watching the Blackhawks win this weekend and thinking of him. I hope he can treasure this time with you all. I am happy to read this, treasure this time. You’re in our thoughts!
Wonderful gift
I am smiling through HAPPY tears as I read your entry!!! YES!!! This is a GIFT and a Blessing, and treasure every single second, and WHO knows Amanda??/:) Maybe there are 365 more days, maybe more than that, Joe is one STRONG man, and your Love for him and his love for you and Mira is what is giving him the strength and determination to keep it up:) I am so happy for the 3 of you that there is MORE time!!! Continuing to send you 3 LOVE, HOPE, Prayers, and God Bless You! <3 <3 <3
there is no explaining the power of prayer. so many you will never know pray for you for more good time and peace.happy birthday to you all.
I am so happy for you that God’s plan included more time and fun for Joe! Have him sign those Birthday cards, let him write those notes and of course, leave him alone to get that video done! God knew Joe’s work was not done here on earth and I am thinking Joe made a deal with him to get to finish what is important to him. Like kiss his wife, see his little girl’s birthday….let’s keep adding to his list of assignments.
You all remain in my prayers. I hope you continue to have Blessings.
I couldn’t agree with you more Ayn!
I pray for your peace, comfort and strength, Joe and for those that love you as well.
Praise the Lord!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Incredible! Praying for many days like these good ones.
God is still in the miracle business! Praising and thanking Him for this new report and continuing to keep you and your family uplifted in prayer.
Thrilled and thankful that your more time together miracle occurred. Joy to you, Joe and Mira.
A testament to the power of prayer.
I spent the weekend wondering and praying for the 3 of you. This is truly remarkable. Don’t let one minute slip by. Please Joe, make that goodnight video for your precious wife and sign those cards for your daughter’s future birthdays. Take the time now that you have it! Loving you from Chicago!
I am so happy Joe is home with his family. I am sending all my prayers for your beautiful family and moving Mira’s first birthday is a wonderful idea. May the Lord bless you.
Better than the best of the best. Moving up that party is a wonderful thoughtful idea. So glad you are surrounded by so much love but I am not surprised.
I so agree! Let the party begin 🙂 <3
I am happy the Bears played as well as they did for Joe 🙂
This is incredible – y’all are amazing and incredible and brave and strong…even when you don’t feel it – especially when you don’t feel it – even in the midst of some of the hardest days you’ve known. But…wow…God sure can show off when He wants to. ;). I don’t know y’all but I desperately want to hit “pause” on life for you to have as much of these moments as possible.
What a sweet, good, well-done love you have. Lifting you up in prayer with all the muscles we got.
Praying for full healing and restoration! 365 and many more!
Dear Joe & Amanda while having what I called a bad day I for some reason thought of you both & said to myself “how dare you you selfish jerk feel that you are having a bad day” You guys relish every moment, all of which are phsyically worse than any of my problems! I must have a better perspective!!! After reading this post I am reminded of something a physical therapist who I had to see every day for over a year told me. What do you call the person who finished last in medical school? Doctor!
Such a great family picture of you all. I pray and for you all. and want to let you know that you are always in my thoughts. I am Ryan Goritz’s Mom (friend of Joe Volkmar) and I was a friend of your fathers.
So happy you were given a miracle.. You and Joe deserve every ounce you can get out of this. I don’t know you but I’ve been following for sometime. I was so worried about you last week and kept questioning how is it that you couldn’t have something wonderful big or small! I’m excited for you and Joe!!! ❤️and hugs
I do not know where you get the strength. I admire all that you do and feel the most heartfelt thoughts go out to all of you. You are added to my list of silent heroes. Those are the ones who stay in my heart always. They are the ones who at surprising moments Creep into my thoughts.I wish the best for you.
A miracle, maybe not the full one we asked for but be the less it is one, so with that being said I am not giving up,I am still going to ask for my miracle and you know what it is. Bless all three of you, live another dAy, laugh smile and love xo
Ditto! 🙂 <3
My thoughts and prayers continue every day for the three of you and your extended family and friends. May you all find comfort in each others arms! I do not know you all personally BUT I think it’s possible to LOVE YOU Joe, Amanda and Mira! God Bless!
Love Mary
Since seeing the first post I have been praying for all of you every day. Prayers continue from Indianapolis!
You have an amazing outlook on the cards you have been dealt. I’m a firm believer that we are here for a purpose. We don’t know how long we have but our spirits impact is always there to embrace and hold onto. God has a plan, he keeps you safe, and whether we are together physically or spiritually we maintain the special connections for a life time. I too have those I lost and loved dearly that are now my angel wings. I don’t know Joe personally but my boy-friend Chad does and it’s had a tremendous impact on him. Love is patient, love is kind, and it’s obvious you and Joe have love only many can dream of.
Embrace this life, your beautiful kiddos, and I know you’ll always feel he’s alive inside. May God bless you, keep you safe, and comfort you for the rest of the days of your life!
Hi, Amanda. I’ve been following your blog for quite some time now. Your last post broke my heart, so when I read this today…wow, what an amazing high to be on.
I’m like the endless others who read this blog. You don’t know me. I stumbled upon your site when you left your job. But I’m hooked. I’m addicted and I don’t know what it is. Joe is very amazing. This miracle of life is amazing. Your poetic words are equally amazing. You paint a very awesome picture. My husband is going through a medical crisis, but not nearly as bad. He needs a kidney. And when I felt at my “low”, your inspiration and your words calmed me.
I have found myself praying for you both at night when I haven’t even prayed for myself. I used to ask myself why do the criminals get to live a good life and the good people live the short life. The only logical answer: Angels. So I’ll continue to pray for you. Enjoy every second of it. God is smiling down on your both. #AngelJoeStrong
Hi, Amanda. I’ve been following your blog for quite some time now. Your last post broke my heart, so when I read this today…wow, what an amazing high to be on.
I’m like the endless others who read this blog. You don’t know me. I stumbled upon your site when you left your job. But I’m hooked. I’m addicted and I don’t know what it is. Joe is very amazing. This miracle of life is amazing. Your poetic words are equally amazing. You paint a very awesome picture. My husband is going through a medical crisis, but not nearly as bad. He needs a kidney. And when I felt at my “low”, your inspiration and your words calmed me.
I have found myself praying for you both at night when I haven’t even prayed for myself. I used to ask myself why do the criminals get to live a good life and the good people live the short life. The only logical answer: Angels. So I’ll continue to pray for you. Enjoy every second of it. God is smiling down on you both. #AngelJoeStrong
Thinking of all of you always <3
Like so many others, I don’t know you or your family, but have been following your story for a while now. After reading your last post, I checked in today prepared to share heartache with you. And I did cry this morning, but out of happiness for the gift you’ve been given. Blessings to you all.
I don’t even know what to say… your story has touched me deeply. Your little family is such a strong one. I am so sorry you all have to go through this. Cherish this time as i am sure you are… and thanks for sharing such tough stuff. A reminder to live life like we are dying, because we all are. Thinking and praying for you, Joe, and Mira.
Dear Clark family,
I only just stumbled upon your blog last week (not even sure how). In the days since, I’ve read every post, through the whirlwind of your fallen fairytale. You guys are amazing. I read your post right before this one, the heartbreaking one, on the 8th, the day you posted it. I prayed for you then and there. Then I went back to the beginning. You guys have been on my mind and in my prayers since. Through your difficult journey, though at times I’m sure it seemed like hell on earth, you can clearly see God providing blessings amidst the trials.
I’ve seen you tip-toe around “religion,” but rely on faith. Don’t be afraid to talk to God about it all. Even when you’re that ugly kind of mad, you know, when your face is bright red and all scrunched up. Or when you have no words, only tears. Give it all to Him, and then let Him comfort you. He will. In my darkest moment, when I thought the pain (though not physical) was going to tear me apart, when I was running out of hope, I felt God’s arms around me and knew that the pain would soon get worse, but He was with me and it would get better, and I again had hope. I will never doubt that He is there for me. I hope you know that He is there for you too.
Even in your suffering, He can bring you peace. And you can, like Amanda’s grandmother, be unafraid of what is next.
May God fill you with His amazing love and peace. I’ll continue to pray for you. Enjoy this gift you have been given.
I have watched you because of my niece who has such strong Faith and such a strong admiration of you. I pray your miracles will continue to continue. I’m sure you have researched every avenue but I wanted to share the name of s gentleman I met last weekend who is 4 years post brain cancer. He was told there was no hope. He is a man of God and fought very hard to live. His name is Dr. Charles Majors and his practice is Planet Chiropractic in Plainfield Illinois. He has written a book called The Cancer Killers
The cause is the cure. All Gods Blessings on you and your family.
God is so good! I love how he shows us that HE does answer prayers. It’s amazing that even when things seem hopeless, HE can step in and work miracles for us. I’m so happy you got your miracle. That picture you posted is breathtakingly beautiful for so many reasons. God bless you all.
I look forward every morning to read how this miracle continues. I’m a true believer that when you have faith, all things are possible.
Matthew 17:20 He replied, “Because you have so little faith. I tell you the truth, if you have faith as small as a mustard seed, you can say to this mountain, ‘Move from here to there’ and it will move. Nothing will be impossible for you. ”
I continue praying for your family. God Bless!